My Mommy and Me
relationship that Brittany and her mom had could only be describe as
"storybook". They were so close, they talked about everything and
shared many private moments together. It is rare that you find a
young woman who when asked who her hero was, she replied, "My Mommy."
Ask anyone who knew them and they will confirm that the bond between
this mother and daughter was so special and true and right.
will always be connected, they will always be close, they will always be
letter was read at Brittany's Funeral Mass....
My Dearest Brittany, My
baby, toddler, preschooler, youth and teenager,
I don’t even have words
that can explain what all those mean to me. There is no
way to express a mother’s love for their child and the
connection that we shared as mother and daughter was
like no other, we were one and the same. For the rest of
my life I will never be able to explain to anyone the
feelings I have for you. They are much too deep and no
one will ever understand the way I do.
I will always remember
holding you on the very first day you were born and again
the night you left me. I held your hand and begged God that
some how you would be ok. All your life I always just wanted
to protect you and I still couldn’t…there was nothing I
could’ve changed. I would have given my life for you but God
didn’t have that in his plan this time.
We had an incredible last
day…. shopping, getting your ears pierced for a second hole,
and finally finding the favorite pair of jeans you’ve been
wanting and them actually fitting! We spent the entire day
laughing and smiling with each other - who knew it would be
our last. You are so special to so many people and I have so
many memories…The first memory I have of you and your dad is
when I gave birth to you and he just kept holding you and
wouldn’t let me hold you. Finally the nurse said “C’mon dad
wheel her around to mom let her hold her - she did all the
I remember the first time
you ever met Steve. You were 1 year old and we went to his
house for a visit and you ended up throwing up all over his
house and car. I kept thinking “Oh No! Not a good first
impression Brittany!” And Greg you met at Trophy’s when you
were almost 11. You both were going crazy coloring on the
table mat and I couldn’t figure out which one was the bigger
There are so many things
about you that I could share…. running around with no hair,
big blue eyes and diapers that were always too big!! You’re
many, many poolside birthday parties that would take you 3
hours just to open presents, your incredible life long
friends, Lexi and Morgan. Family trips to Palm Springs, Las
Vegas, Hawaii, Florida, All your cheer competitions, the
love and support you gave to your sisters and brothers, the
way you loved your friends… the list is endless and the
memories are many.
Every moment, smile,
laughter, tear, and hug I will forever hold dear in my
heart. My heart is broken and my soul is aching for you. You
were my “little star” and my best friend. My life will
forever be changed. The spirit I once had inside is now
shattered and I have no idea how to put the pieces back
together again without you standing by my side. The void
that I feel will never be replaced. You were my life and I
will dedicate the rest of mine to make sure your memory
lives on. I will not think of you as gone, you will forever
live in our hearts and memories. I will take comfort knowing
that you are with our heavenly father cheering the angels on
and flying high. . Goodbye for now my little butterfly,
until we meet again.
Love Always and Forever,
Date: August 06, 2005
Time: 07:23 PM
My Dearest Brittany,
My heart is in so much pain for you. Everyday I just feel like the pain
is deeper and deeper. I feel so shattered. Words can no longer explain
the pain I feel that you are not here with us. It is just so
overwhelming that I just feel I'm dying inside. I just want to bring you
back and make this all better and knowing there is NOTHING I can do just
seems so unbearable.
My very dear best friend let me just recently hear this song and it took
me several times to get through it before I could actually listen to it
all. Once I did, I realized how much it meant to me and how it says
everything I feel about what has happen. I somehow hope you can hear it
and know what I'm trying to say.
Here it is my precious baby girl....
on the Media Player above to hear song)
I Sure Miss You
|Artist - Crabb Family
Album - Prayer In
If life could only bring again, the days I took for granted when
To hear your voice was just a call away
Oh what I'd give for just some time, to say the things that
slipped my mind
There's so much now I'd really like to say
But I can never go back when we did the things we did back then
I'll store those precious memories in my mind
I'll take what you've instilled in me; I'll try to be all I can
And walk the path that you have left behind
I sure miss you; life will never be the same with you not here
Each passing day has brought much pain
But with God's grace my strength remains
I sure miss you, but heaven's sweeter with you there
The little things that seemed so small are now gold in a memory
I cherish every one I have of you
Now I can see and recognize the part you played to shape my life
I often see you in the things I do
In God's design and master plan He saw the hurting hearts of man
As we would say goodbye to those so dear
So with our family and friends we'll be together once again
We'll view all heaven's splendor hand in hand
We are connected, My child and I
Also another very dear precious friend just emailed me this poem that I
just have to share with you. I cried all the way through it because
every word was so true. Here it is....
by an invisible cord, not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects
us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen by any on Earth.
This cord does its work right from the start.
It binds us together, attached to my heart.
I know that it's there, though no one can see
The invisible cord from my child to me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord man could create.
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you are not here with me,
The cord is still there,
but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised...I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline, as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way
A mother and child--Death can't take it away!
I can't even explain the pain that we all feel losing someone as
precious as you. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair and is so hard to
understand why? If only we could have more answers!!
I love you so much my Brittany and there will never be a day of my life
that I don't grieve for you and long to feel that special hug and very
sweet kiss. So much has been taken from all of us not having you here.
All my love to you now and forever...
Sweet dreams my love...
Date: May 28, 2005
Time: 09:45 AM
My baby girl,
I have been having the worst time right now without you. I feel so
sad and lonely...I'm just so lost! I have had so many moments lately
that I think this is not real...she is coming home, she is in her
room, she is right here! It feels so real I believe it and then your
accident scene keeps coming back to my head and tells me no your not
this is real!! Its like I just keep feeling the pain all over again
from the day I got the call and found you.
People keep telling me "time will ease the pain". I'm finding that
is not true because everyday without you I feel worse and it hurts
me everyday that I have to wake up and start another day without
I lost so much when I lost you. My best Friend, My baby girl and my
There is nothing that will ever replace the void I feel without you.
My soul is broken and my heart is shattered. I had an incredible
journey with you my love in the short time I had you and if I could
do ANYTHING at all to change any of what has happen to you I would.
I would give up everything I have and have nothing if it meant you
could walk back into my life.
It just seems unfair that your life was taken when you made one bad
decision. Yet I still don't even know that you made the bad
decision...will I ever??
All I do know is that my life will forever be changed from the
moment I found you and I will no longer have a future with you,
nothing from that day forward, it was over! It kills me inside and I
don't want to live my life without you. I just feel so empty.
I do want you to know that you were the best daughter, sister,
friend anyone could ever have and we all love and miss you so much.
Everywhere I look I see your beautiful smile and eyes. Your eyes
seem to look right through me now as if your trying to tell me
something. I only wish I knew what you wanted me to know. We always
had such a connection and I know you want to talk to me as bad as I
do you. I'm so sorry if this is hard for you too honey...I would
never want you to have any pain. I know you would of never done
anything like this had you known of the danger and the pain we all
would be feeling. You were such a good girl with a heart of gold.
Its just not fair!
Your love for everyone and anyone was something I have never seen in
a person. I'm so very proud of the person you are. I know you said I
was your hero but truly you are mine.
I love you just doesn't even say what I want to express and how I
feel about you. Those words can't even cover all the love I have for
you and feel in my heart. There will never be a day that I don't
long for you and the life we had.
I Miss you so much my little star... you are the "wind beneath my
All my love to you now and forever,
Date: May 18, 2005
Time: 07:48 PM
My lil Star,
I miss you so much it is killing me inside and I don't know how to
do this without you everyday. Each day is harder and harder for me
and I seem to long for you more with each passing day.
I went to Father Dennis today and although I found comfort in his
words. I still feel so lost without you. I know that no matter how
much time goes by before we see each other again. My heart will
never change and I will never be the same.
I still can not believe this has happen to my baby girl. I just wish
I could wake up from this terrible nightmare and you will be there
standing right in front of me.
There was so many things I still needed to say to you, so many
things to do with our lives. We had talked about so many things for
your future that I will never see. It is killing me that we no
longer have a future, no tomorrow. I feel so robbed!!!!
I just want you to always remember how very much I love you and
cherished every moment we spent together and how much joy you ALWAYS
brought into my life. I'm so very proud of you and everything you
gave of your life. You were the most sincere daughter, sister and
friend I have ever known.
You made me so proud to be your mother and I'm so honored to have
been your hero...
I love you more then life itself my darling daughter..
My love to you always and forever,
"mom n me so happy together.jpg"
Thanks to everyone who came to the Grief Meeting
on Wednesday night. We hope that you were able to
find some comfort in this support group. Please
let us know if there is anything else we can do for you.
Date: May 13, 2005
Time: 02:18 PM
This has been such a hard day for me today. Everyday is hard but it just
seems to get harder everyday although everyone says time will make it
easier it doesn't for me. It only makes it more real that you are not
coming home...I don't see that wonderful smile flying through the
kitchen after cheer practice saying "Hi Mom" with that comforting hug
that your home!! I don't get your calls at lunch time and after school
to check in or just because you missed me and wanted to say Hi and I
We all miss you so much Brittany! Baylee is trying so hard but is having
such a hard time without you! She sleeps with one of your T-shirts every
night and it still smells just like you!!!
Giavanna doesn't really understand why you aren't here? She keeps
thinking you are just going to come back home from where ever you are
at. But you can just see the sadness in her that is seems a longtime?
She said to me last night I wish we could go visit Brittany in Heaven
and then she said I feel her all the time in my tummy???
Your friends still come and call all the time. They are wonderful kids
and they loved you more then anything. They are all taking this so hard
and miss you so deeply.
Wow, Brittany how life changes in a second. My life will never be the
same and I long for you so much I don't know how I will ever begin to
I try everyday to figure out how to survive every minute that goes by.
My mind is racing so hard right now there is not a second your not in my
I want to believe that you walk by my side right now but its so hard not
to want to feel you and hold you. I beg God everyday to Please just give
me one more chance. I would do anything in the world to change all of
this and have you here in my arms.
I still feel your hand on that last night and when I placed my hand on
your back to feel you breathe...and there was nothing...I will never
forget that feeling...I cant even explain to you my devastation, loss,
fear, I felt as if my life was over... I still do.
I really don't know how to live without you...were so close and our
relationship was unreal for a mother and a daughter.
I will cherish every memory, every moment, every breathe we shared for
the rest of my life.
I love you so much my little Brittany....
Date: May 13, 2005
Time: 06:11 AM
To all Brittany's Family and friends,
I wanted to post something that I found Brittany had written on an
English Assignment. She received an "A" on the assignment and a note
that said "Wow, great job Brittany" It was an assignment I believe to be
about a war and people dying. There is a section of this assignment that
she wrote that really is chilling. It goes like this.....
"I think I would find myself trusting luck, fate, and taking chances
because I believe that everything happens for a reason"
As you can read above, Brittany seemed to want to live life trusting and
dealing with whatever fate would bring her way. This was amazing to me
she wrote this. I felt almost as if she knew someday this might happen
to her??? Maybe a sign from God? Not sure what to believe, but I guess
I'm just wanting to have an answer to the awful aching feeling WHY???
One of my many famous lines to Brittany was everything happens for a
reason. Now I see she believed that more than anything.
I love you so much my Lil Star and this journey without you is so
All my heart to you forever....Love you always and forever....Mommy
Date: May 08, 2005
Time: 07:27 AM
My Beautiful Brittany,
Today is mother's day and I'm so lost without you. I can't get over
the sadness I have every second of the day. You were such a HUGE
part of my life and I have no idea how to do this without you. I
still pray everyday that this isn't true and somehow you will be
coming back to me. I still wait for you everyday and it kills me
inside knowing that you're not coming home. My life will never be
the same without you.
Baylee is having such a hard time too. She misses her "teacher
Brittany". She can't even look at your picture right now without
breaking down in tears.
I know that you would never want us to hurt this way but we don't
know how to live without you. Please help us Brittany....
I love you now and forever...I will never stop thinking about you...
think the pictures below speak for themselves.
Dancing with my mom and laughing really hard!!